So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
