you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
