i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
