he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
