Porn is love you can see.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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