I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
