Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
