GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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