Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
