you would pick up someone in the library
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize