how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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