No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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