its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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