I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
