Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
