Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
