Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Damn victory sex feels great
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
