Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
