No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am one with the molecules
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
