When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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