areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
