What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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