some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
