I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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