im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
