he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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