don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
