I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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