This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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