yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
this is an emotional support booty call
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
