either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
