I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
