hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The cops high fived after they tackled you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
