he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I need moral support for this bender
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
