So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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