um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
