my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When are your genitals available?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
