My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
