if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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