Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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