Define "chronic" masturbator.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
