shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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