If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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