just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
