Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
