I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
