well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
