I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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