Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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