Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
