I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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