I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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