a queef is a wish your heart makes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
