So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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